The not so itsy bitsy spider

For those of you that know me, you know that I am deathly afraid of spiders. So imagine my fear when I saw a giant spider crawling across the carpet a few nights back. This is not like a fish story where the size of the fish in the story is way bigger than the actual fish. This spider was actually huge and brown.

My mom had recently told me an awful story about a brown recluse spider bite that sent the victim to the hospital so that's all I could think about when I saw that spider. She said they were brown, big and they were super fast. The spider that was walking across my carpet was big and brown but it wasn't super fast. I came to the conclusion that it wasn't a brown recluse but it was still gross and scary.

It was around 11 p.m. and I was about to go to bed but there was no way I was going to be able to sleep with a gigantic crawling around the house. Not just in the house but in the living room where I have taken up residency since my surgery. I couldn't leave him wandering around my house all night and since no one else was awake, I took matters into my own hands.

When I first saw the culprit crawling across the floor, I tried to whap it with one of my crutches a couple of times and missed each time. This gave him the ability to crawl under my coffee table which is right next to my bed. Ewww. I carefully hoisted myself out of bed with my crutches and started looking for my eight-legged nemesis. I looked under the table as good as I could with my limited bending ability and didn't see him. I pulled the coffee table away from the wall and saw nothing. Our heater vent is right next to the coffee table so I was hoping maybe, just maybe I had scared him into the vent. There was a newspaper on the table so I covered the vent in hopes that if the bugger did climb in, he wouldn't be able to climb back out.

Just after I had finished covering the vent, I saw the spider sitting on the trim at the base of our wall. I again tried to smash him with my crutch but again, I failed and he ran towards our exercise bike.

Remember...I had just returned home from the hospital about 3 days prior to this incident. I can't bend, lift or bear weight on my surgical leg and I'm basically one legged. So all in all, this whole thing is a bad idea but I'm on medication and there is no such thing as a bad idea, especially when it comes to spiders.

I can't possible sleep knowing there is a disgusting creature crawling around. Someone told me once that we swallow like, 10 spiders in our sleep per year. It's probably an urban legend or an old wives tale but I've seen this ugly thing I was not about to have this puppy crawl down my throat. I still get creeped out just thing about it.

Anyway, so the spider crawled under the exercise bike and I needed to get it out of there and the only way to find it was to move the bike. The exercise bike is heavy for someone with 2 good hips. Imagine how heavy it is for a person with one good hip and one recently operated hip but, being the strong woman that I am, I was able to move it. I only almost fell about 4 times. :)

Once I was able to move the bike far enough to see the spider, I decided to try to squish him with my crutch but since I didn't have very good luck with that the past couple of tries, I had to come up with a new tactic. The spider was just sitting there, not moving, so I grabbed the nearest movie case, (which just so happened to be one we are borrowing from the church library - oops!) dropped it on the spider and banged my crutch on the case until I thought he was dead. I carefully lifted the case to make sure and saw that he was still alive so I dropped the case back on him. This time not only did I put my crutch back on the case with all of my weight, I put my good leg on the case and bounced up and down a couple of times for good measure.

I picked up the case once again and the bugger was still alive...a little. I wasn't going to take any chances so I managed to bend far enough over to smash the edge of the case on him a couple of times until I knew he was good and dead.

Some of you may feel bad for the poor spider, but I don't. I think spiders are important for insect control but once a spider enters my house, he's on his own. I have no problem smashing, squishing, or sucking them up in the vacuum cleaner although, I prefer that my strong, brave husband take care of them. :) Thanks Hun!

Please remember, just because I killed this spider on my own, I will not make a habit out of it unless my life depends on it. :)